The Gnawing Reality vs. Hoped For

Or my way of rephrasing “thou shall not bite off more than you can chew.”

Mood Setter: Try by Nelly Furtado

Pretty cryptic title right, I know, believe me, I know; but it’s me and being me comes being cryptic, morbid, somehow bonkers or in short 30 mixes of crazy in one package – that’s me. Today came the realization that I am having a dream or I had a dream, at any rate the gist is there – I was dreaming. I am gonna go around in circles some more just because I can and as my brother always points out, I’m overly verbose most of the time if not always; what’s wrong with wordplay anyways, or playing with your words? I don’t see anything wrong with that but I can see something going wrong with me.

So back to the dream that I was having; a month or so ago, I sort of “dreamed” or wanted to be able to write something on a daily basis, yes “a daily basis” and that time, I really believed that I can. I was completely optimistic that I can manage, I could and I would but unfortunately, I didn’t and I can’t. There’s plenty of things that I could say to justify my failure but I won’t, I refuse to dwell on beyond 21 excuses that’s not gonna make changes and differences; I want to put it all behind me as quickly as possible and start anew or be realistic.

I’m dropping my initial “project” and am sticking to a somehow healthy and I believe achievable one. I would like to focus on what I really want to write at the moment rather than put down words that I can’t and don’t believe to be at par to what I would want to read over and over just so I could keep up with the “project.” Spontaneity, I’m thinking is a better way so maybe I’ll give in to the call of randomness and write more in the moment after all, it’s those moments that really count.

I decided that I wouldn’t be compromising quality to quantity and succumb to realism; versus what I hoped for. I do not want to bite off more than I can chew and end up choking on it anymore because that’s embarrassing and completely humiliating, well at least the literal biting off more that you can chew is; I know, I did it once a long time ago while having some beer argh, I still shudder whenever I recall that, the sinker is I was in front of a guy I’m completely trying to appear cute with. Oh the horror.

Right, so the decision; I’ve decided to post at least 2  K drama related post a week, yes at least two and if there’s anything random that’s worth posting, I’ll be posting any day. I’m still deciding which day of the week would be workable, I have to confirm if there would be changes at work but I know 2 K drama post is workable without completely pushing things, crossed fingers. Now I’ll breath and let that thought jump all over my head until it sinks in. “There you go buddy, you can give being guilty a rest” and yes that’s me giving myself a pep talk and somehow giving myself a much needed pat on the back.


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