Nostalgic “Lurve” Month


Mood Setters:

Crazy by KC and Jojo


Crave by Marc Dorsey


Come Around by Rhett Miller


I’m feeling particularly nostalgic today, it must be the month, yes it has something to do with the month. There’s two months in particular that I am not excited about, February and my birth month. My birth month because it means I’m aging and February because it means I’ll be witnessing all that sweetness, only witness it and not participate. I sound so bitter.
When was that again, that time when I was all excited about the “lurve” month? I think that’s over 12 years ago, 12 long years ago. After that every “lurve” month turned out to be just another month, another month like the 11 others, non significant. I guess I still feel the sting of my tragic first love that’s why every “lurve” month, it’s like a ghost that haunts me. I’m so sentimental.

It might sound that I didn’t get myself involved with someone else after that first time, I did, but somehow, the significance of that first time was never erased. I know it’s my fault because it became a measuring stick or something, which is not good but happening. I guess it is going to be hard to give myself fully, I’m such a coward when it comes to this kind of things. I am like this moth that flew near the attractive candle light then got its wing burned slightly then got away. Of course the moth won’t go near that light anymore, it learned its lesson, that’s me, I still hold that pieces of memory.
It’s funny because I’m holding on to this pieces of memory, no matter how bittersweet it is, no matter how hurt I get though it doesn’t mean that I’m not looking forward to what is to happen. I know one of this days, someday, that person would come, I’ll muster that courage to open up and give myself fully but for now I’ll welcome this nostalgic moment and drown in songs we use to listen to, song that been part of that dream that eventually turned into a nightmare and hopefully, by the time I completely wake up and accept that it’s all part of life I won’t be so bitter and this nostalgic moments come February would bring me smile, more than tears.



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