Out of the 30 things in the list this one is a bit delicate and difficult for me to answer: three (3) fears that I have. Dang, mentioning one is already too much but three? Let me bite my lower lip and muster some courage, I’m going to dive in, and hopefully I won’t ruffle much of my feathers. If you are really “reading” this, I’ll be honest, I’m a coward, and I have plenty in the fear category. Here’s my top three:
1. I fear not making up to my mom’s standard (not that I met it anyways.) This was worst when I was younger, actually. I really want to please her, sadly, it was never enough. And looking back, I know this is one of the main reasons why I’m not that close to my mom, why when she tries to be sweet with me now I feel awkward. I lived with this fear since I can remember; I dunno how I’ll overcome it.
2. I fear being in the dark more because of those things that I can feel than what I could see.
3. Last but not the least; though it’s not such a pressing fear at the moment, I love how free and uncomplicated my life is right now, how I can go where I wanna go and do what I wanna do without anyone nagging me with questions like what I was doing or where I was. It’s all good, well, until I login on Facebook and see photos of my classmates with their own family on my timeline. That’s the only time that I would really feel that fear, being alone and uncertain of my future. I know I’m not gonna be in my 30’s forever and that my brothers will settle down in the long run (guys don’t have much of this problem or so I think) but what about me? Am I to spend time on my own in a house with a garden full of dying plants? (I am a plant killer, even a weed, if I planted it won’t last more than a day.) This scares me a lot but I try my best not to think about it. I read in one of my English books in elementary grade that what is to happen will happen. So during those times that I feel this fear, I repeat in my head what I read on that English book and say a silent prayer, because I know God will take care of the rest.
I survived, I think. Two days down, 28 more to go. I guess I’ll re-read the list just to be prepared.