I Said Goodbye

I said goodbye,

wishing it was for real,

that it’s really what I feel like;

not just a sudden burst of anger –

something all but whimsical.

Absurd, for I try my hardest

to abhor and hate you,

nonetheless, it’s futile;

for my heart is yours –

your possession and not mine.

It’s unfair, I can’t take it;

for every time I take a step backwards,

I always end up three steps towards you.

In front of you, though you barely see me,

though you barely know I’m there.

And it’s murdering me,

to feel that you’re a breath away,

a kiss, a smile, a touch nearby,

knowing that you’re around,

knowing it’s me you couldn’t find.

Thus I said goodbye,

rather than waste away,

not that I won’t without you.

But it’s a whole lot better

to waste away on my own.

For to feel that you’re there when you’re not is poison;

death is loving you when you can’t love me back.


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